It is 6am on Tuesday the 1st November 2005 4 weeks before my 40th birthday and I woke up and my head exploded with one thought…. Is this it! Is this as good as life gets? Boy did that one thought rock the foundations of my life: because I instantly knew the answer! I knew I wasn’t playing the game at full speed. The big question was, “why wasn’t I”. Look, I‘m not saying my life was miserable, far from it. I was approaching 40 reasonably happily married for 22 years, I had a gorgeous teenage daughter who was doing ok I had a reasonably successful career running hotels and resorts. Yet, I still had this nagging feeling that there should be more.
Up until that morning I had never thought about what ‘more’ was, but on this morning don’t ask me why the flood gates sprang open and out came a deluge of questions; if I was happy why was I overweight, why was I constantly tired, why was I always finding fault in everything and everyone, what would make me happy, what did being happy mean, what was wrong with my current situation that didn’t make me happy? Was there more? Or was I just being greedy and the questions went on and on and on.
I very quickly realized I needed help, so I did what any sane or maybe not so sane person would do and I ran away. I told my husband that I wanted out of the marriage and I packed my bags and headed north to Ayers Rock. And there started the hardest three years of my life. I left Melbourne NYE 2006.
So what changed?…… I did, or more to the point how I thought changed. I realised that the only thing that would make me happy long term where those things that I enjoyed doing, that gave me energy, that lit me up from the inside. I heard from a one of these ‘self help gurus’…”you have to follow your passion – your purpose” well I thought I w as doing that. I love the hospitality industry and I loved people and I loved looking after people. So why wasn’t I blissfully happy? One simple thing was, I was following a safe and steady road that kept money in my wallet, not the cutting edge exciting things I dreamed up in my head. Exciting adventures that may not have kept food on the table!
So slowly but surely I have started to follow my passion, now there has been some wrong turns and bumps in the road but the more I trust the universe and give without expecting to receive the more my passion and purpose becomes clearer. I learnt to listen and believe in myself. Here are some of the things I learnt: